The sound of my alarm clock woke me up again. Same stupid jingle every day – having a dad who works at a pizza place for kids has its downsides. I turned it off and fell back asleep.
Well, asleep would be an overstatement. Ever since Evan died, I haven’t gotten a full night of sleep. And if I could sleep at all, nightmares woke me up every time. I mostly just stayed in my bed, hoping it’s all just a dream. Sometimes-
“Michael, get yourself out of there, you’re gonna miss the bus again … for the… 17th time in a row. And I’m not driving you again!”
“So what?! I’ll walk if I feel like it. Not like you give a shit what I do,” I yelled back.
William – my dad – walked in and sat on the chair. I looked at him, trying to keep myself from crying.
“Look, I know it’s hard for you right now. But you have to let it go. He’s not gonna-”
“I KNOW HE’S NOT COMING BACK! I’m not stupid, you know?! Do you have any idea how many times you’ve said that? I’m tired of it, yeah, I want things to go the right way too, but I’m sorry I’m not as fucked over as you are in your stupid-”
“ENOUGH!”
And that shut me up.
“Get ready and go to school.”
I just nodded.

…

The entire bus went silent when they saw me. I glanced around, hoping to catch a glimpse of Fritz at the back, but to no success.
“What are you looking at? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Slowly, everybody lost interest in me. I just sat in the last row. Maybe Fritz decided to walk today. Maybe he was sick. Nothing bad happened to him, right?
Right?

…

“Look, I know what happened, and I know it’s hard for you, but you still have to do this, Michael.”
“Yeah, figured that out by myself. Thanks a lot.”
The teacher opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but decided not to. Instead, she just walked back up to the board and continued the lesson and I continued trying to write something down. I can’t, I just can’t forget. I just can’t get over it.
I haven’t seen Fritz since the funeral. Not that he hasn’t reached out, no, I just… couldn’t deal with it. As much as I love him, I just can’t stand the sight of him after what happened. Is he-
“Michael Afton,” the teacher called me again.
“Yeah, right here, I hear you.”
“I was serious. Pay attention, please.”
Does she have to? My head hurt, I was sleep deprived and as she said, she knew what happened.
I jumped as the classroom door crashed against the wall. Fritz let out a loud sigh and apologized himself as he made his way to his seat beside me. I tried my best not to look at him, and I guess I made it obvious. Soon enough, he passed me a note.

…

you okay?

peachy

don’t bullshit me mike I can see you’re *this* close to breaking down. just tell me

just quit it i can’t stand you right now


please. I can’t stand you like that either, yknow

fritz. shut up

you know I can’t do that

…

I crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it in the trash when the bell rang. I didn’t hesitate for a bit before going outside. It was cold, but I didn’t care. I sat down by the tree and hugged my knees before I heard someone calling me.
“Mike! Wait for me!”
Fritz sat beside me. Despite the weather, he wore shorts with a sleeveless shirt. He offered me his jacket, but I just shook my head. The poor guy’s gonna freeze out here. I sighed; I was such an asshole.
“It’s okay,” he said and hugged me. I hugged back, but I didn’t answer. We both knew what the other one wanted to say. It was always like that, ever since we met.
“You’re crying. What’s up?”
“Just… you know. Family, if you can even call it that,” I chuckled. I really don’t think you could call William a family. Yeah, he’s my dad, but… I don’t know.
“Is he being an asshole again?” I nodded. “Thought so. Meet me at the treehouse this afternoon, alright? I wanna show you something.”
And with that, he ran off. I smiled to myself; there’s just something about his smile that’s so contagious, so lovable… Or it’s just him. Could be that too.